Monday, 21 November 2016

Its never greener on the otherside! My home life

The last few months have been draining on me, I am tired all the time, I get up early everyday even on my days off, I go to bed late.   On occasion I work a 10 days stretch, I would get 4 days off however it feels so long.  

But its my home life that is hard, there is always something to do at home.  The cleaning, laundry, general house work never ends.  I feel like I am burning the candle at both ends, without the hardcore booze and fun.  The weeks, months have flashed by recently.  

I think how do other parents cope, surely not everyone is super beings.  I try to encourage my boyfriend to help more at home, hope it may lighten my load of chores at home.  Gentle encouragement comes across as a nagging misses!
He looks at me like I am taking the piss out of him.  Don't get me wrong, he helps and does his share.  He picks up the kids, walks the dog, makes them dinner, collects me from work.  I still expect him to do more, I always want more, 'whatever he does is never good enough'  His words not mine.  But it's true, I just want things done my way, done to perfection.

When I come home from work, its usually messy everywhere, my living room resembles a crime scene most nights but nothing has been stolen.  I continual repeat myself to my sons, 'Put your toys away, take your plates to the kitchen, put your uniforms away.'  The pair of them have deaf ears and their dad is blind to the chaos they cause at home.

I spend my days off work, cleaning, ironing, putting everything back in its place, it's exhausting.  I feel like I'm wasting my time.

My youngest is now insisting on sleeping in my bed every night, he wakes-up, walks into my bedroom and stands over me, waking me up, wanting to get in my bed.  Then I march him back to his bedroom and tuck him back in his bed.  
Bless him, if there was a world record for someone saying I love you.  I think he has won it.  He looks at me with sadness, I know he isn't coping well either.  I think the only way he can express himself is to say he wants to be with me all the time.  I feel guilty but I cant change me working and he cant sleep in my bed. 

On the plus side, I come home to hugs, kisses, even my dog is glued to my side.  Everyone wants, actually they all need attention, cuddles and kisses, they all want me.  Even when I am tired and feel like some me time or privacy, we have no rules, they smother me with affection, I cant even go for a pee with someone walking in, including the pooch, wanting a bum scratch.

Jeez my miss my family, being able to wake on the weekend without having to rush off somewhere is a luxury, currently I have no time for family and friends, my social life to zero.  

I am finding life such a struggle, I have to plan everything we do, everywhere we go, what we do, making sure the boys have clean clothes for Monday, their pack lunches ready, even clean cut nails,  et cetera, et cetera, et cetera!

We went into London to visit my family this weekend, it's the first time in 6 weeks I have seen my sisters and nieces.  Let me mention I haven't even seen my parents for months.  Both are physically unable to visit me.  I miss everyone very much.

But deep down inside my heart, I feel gutted, we live so far from my family, I have no support from them or friends.  We all live very different lives.  It's dawned on me how difficult my life is and how hard life is going to be.     

On our way home my oldest son looked in my eyes and said, mum you look so tired, your eyes are so puffy.  I had to explain I have bags.  It was funny, trying to explain that to him.  He hugged me and told me to sleep and that he would wake-up me when we reached our destination.

If you are lucky enough to be home with your children, treasure these moments.  These are truly the best times of our lives. 

I know there are million of parents, just the same as me.  If you are a super being, how do you cope? I wanna be like you.