Monday, 21 April 2014

I have never been so desperate to come home

I have never been so desperate to come home.  I arrived into London late last night back home with my family by 10pm.

I have never felt so relieved.  I flow too Berlin, Germany Friday afternoon, terribly excited, it was the first time I had been aboard since having children in 7 years.  This would be a relaxing getaway for me and my boyfriend, no children, no dog, no worries.  Just the two of us.  Our little family would be looked after by my family in our home, everything planned, routines written out.

We landed in Berlin late afternoon, we made our way to hotel, a very simple journey, a short bus ride to U-Bahn, then 15 minutes to get us to where our hotel was situated.

All in all we were at out hotel within an hour of landing.  We stayed in a beautiful new hotel Regent Berlin.  Great central location. We had a deluxe bedroom, is was large and very elegant.

A quick clothes change we popped down to the hotel concierge, where advised the trendy part of Easter Berlin was within walking distances.  Great, we made our way to the hotel bar where we planned to plot our getaway.  Into my first sip of Berlin beer, I switched on my phone, I wanted to check-in with my family, let them know we arrived and everything was okay. 

Within moments, I had a text message, please call us as soon as you get this.  This was from my step-dad, something in my gut told me this was not good news.

The news wasn't good and I can only remember bits as my emotions kicked-in.  My youngest son had been in an incident, a dog had jump at his face, he was cut, under his eye and lip.  They are in hospital, the doctors may want to anesthetist him, check how big the wound is, clean him up.  All of this was too much to take in.  I knew he was in safe hands, all my family had all got together and Liam was in the safest hands.

Its the worst feeling in the world not being able to comfort my child when I know this is the time he really needed me.  The world had been pulled from under my feet.  I still feel guilty for not being there for him.

My boyfriend took over from the call, I couldn't digest the conversation.  My head explored on the spot, a raging headache took over my mind. I said I need a pain killers. He got up and was got for ages. Tears running down my face, people scaring at me, I was frozen in the hotels bar, glued to my chair. I wanted to be with my sons.  My boyfriend arrived back, with no pills. Poor guy had run outside of the hotel and pegged it to a chemist that was closed.  Not thinking about him as this is son too, I said I had go to the room to lay down.

Bless him he appeared soon afterwards, he said everything would be okay.  He tried to reassure me as much as possible.  I kept in contact with my family, texting and calling my family.  I managed to talk to my sons the following morning. Both okay and sending me love.  They had moved to another hospital closer to my mums, a plastic surgeon would be there.

I finally managed to talk to the surgeon, she explained she wanted to check the tear duct on Liams eye was not damaged, also explained Liam would need stitches.  This had already confirmed to me this is serious.  Now it was a waiting gaming, for all of us.  I myself waiting to get home.  My family back in the UK waiting for Liam to have his stitches.

All day I stayed in contact, my sisters sending me texts and photos.  Its wasn't until the late evening he was seen.  He woke starving and thirsty.  Lucky for him he wasn't ill afterwards he was discharged and finally sent home. Arriving at my mums just before midnight.  My sisters sent me lots of messages including a couple of voices recordings, of my sons saying that they love me so much.  My heart had been crushed. I had already been in bed since 8pm wishing the time to fly by. 

Sunday wasn't too bad, I knew I would be home and have them in my arms.  My family have been amazing, arranging around the clock help for my boys and even my dog.  When I finally arrived in the UK. I smiled for the first time, grinning from ear to ear.

I squeezed my boys so tightly, it all felt a little surreal.  We all slept together.  Liam seems a little older.  He told me he has pain.  My older son James, said he missed me so much and I am the best mummy he has.  Thankfully I am his only mummy but I know what he meant.

Liam will be okay, he will be scarred but most importantly there is no permanent damage.   Our next holiday we are going together.
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