Saturday, 27 April 2013

Bullying! My Memories

This is sore subject and close to my heart!

An old school friend, recently posted a photo of our primary school class on Facebook and tagged me.

It was very funny to see myself aged 5/6 with all my class 'buddies'  It made me think back to the good old days...

Well they weren't that great nor good.  I remember making friends then a few days later, the kids not wanting to talk, play with me.  I spent a lot of time alone in the play ground.  I'm not even sure why the other kids didnt like me.

It could of been a few reasons;

1) I didn't have a school uniform
2) My mum is Bolivian and my Dad is English, his father is Polish hence my name.  My mum has dark skin and those days her spoken English was not great
3) I think I wet myself once in the playground
4) My parents were divorced

All factors to make a child STAND OUT as being different!

I remember a little girl in my class telling me I was dirty. I sat in the bath that night and scrubbed my skin with the nail brush.  I couldn't get clean.  I did tell my mum I'm cleaning myself, (I've no idea how she felt) I even resented her, it was her fault I wasn't like everyone else. I wanted to be like the other popular kids. (She did speak to the Head in my school)

I cant really explain it more then that, I kept a low profile and made friends with other kids who didn't quite fit in, we would be a bunch of rejects, we could relate to each other but didn't want to stick together as not wanting to be targeted!  The smellies, the dirties, the rejects, mostly we had different colour of skin, not fashionable clothes, poorer and spoke other languages.  In honestly I got off lightly where were other kids who got bullied lot more then I did.

When I started secondary school a lot of kids from little school went to different schools. As I got older and made new friends, actual real friends.  Sometimes I would get involved in petty arguments and even had a few fights but I never felt awful and hatred to myself.

As I got older in to my teens, I became fairly popular. I spent a lot of time with friends and out in the park, hanging out. I would cross palms with the bullying kids, whom would now be sweetly nice to me, like the past never happened. I could tell some of them may of had a not so great up bringing. Maybe picking on others would make them feel superior. Who can say?

The years have rolled by now, its been more then 30 years since I left primary school and until the other day I had blocked how much I hated primary school 4-11 was a hell for me.  Time definitely is a great healer. 

From time to time I have seen some of the people I went to primary school with, we say hello and have polite conversation.  Mostly, they seem to have grown-up and not appear to be narrowed minded.  (But how narrowed minded is a 5-11 year old?)
People do and can change.  In my very early teens, I do recall one person apologising. Which in all fairness made me feel on top of the World. 

What I'm saying, these memories do, can stay with you forever and having skin like a Rhino helps too.  In the long run it will get easier. But tell family/friends if you our experiencing problems, they will and can help you.

Also, lets not be naive kids at 5/6 can be horrible to other kids.  They may not realise their actions or the affects its having at the time but kids can be cruel just the same as adults.

I now have two little boys. My oldest is in reception. I have asked him who is his least 'favourite friend' is. There is a kid whom seems fussy, also another kid that pushes him. I told him how hard life  must be hard for this fussy & tough kids? I have asked my son to be nice to these kids, if/when the tough kid hurts him, speak-up tell the teacher.  I have now found out the tough kid is tough rather then actually meaning to hurt his the other kids.  I've actually seen them all playing, laughing and chasing each other. Being happy, that's how 5 year old's should be.

I try to keep an eye on my sons from a distance, not to become the bully nor be bullied!

On the whole, I've always stood up for myself and what I believe in.  I am a well grounded, strong willed and speak my mind!
Mostly 'Gobby' my boyfriend would say, thats the West London in me. Yep! He's right

People are people, they come from all walks of life, some we like some we don't, no one is prefect! Mostly everyone wants to get on with each other.  There will always be people thinking they are better then everyone else. Its part of life! 

There's plenty of online help these would be the main Support companies: Bullying

These organisation have people that can help; offer support:
Speak to a counsellor free, any times.